Reinforce Positive Emotions

Emotions dominate our actions and reactions. Many of us have been taught from childhood that showing our emotions is a sign of weakness, so we've learned to put them aside and try to focus on the rational aspects more and more. But no matter how strict and logical you want to be, you will always be a human being, not a robot, and so you will always experience emotional reactions to things that happen to you or around you.

Your emotional responses to things that happen in your life can effect you for hours or days after the event.

Of course, positive emotions lighten our lives and bring us joy. A new baby, the first spring bloom in our garden, the smell of fresh bread, puppies playing, all illicit positive emotions. We don't need to protect ourselves from these emotional reactions.

When I was 5 years old, my goldfish died. My parents bought me a new goldfish, but I was sad for days. I missed my goldfish.

Things get more serious for adults. A fight with your spouse the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, with your mind wandering. Then you will go home in an even worse mood. On the way home from work you won’t notice the sun shining and you won’t be tempted to stop at the supermarket and buy your favorite ice cream. All this because that one negative emotion is contaminating the way you perceive the reality around you.

In this moment, finding a safe place to relax your mind would do wonders. It can be an actual location or an imaginary place. The idea is to totally immerse yourself in it.

Let’s say you have a problem on your mind and it just won’t go away. Involve yourself in an activity. Work a cross-word puzzle, start a new book, go bike riding, go bowling! Your mind will suddenly jump from the negative thoughts that have dominated your last hours or days and start processing new information.

A safe place can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, a person. The main thing is to allow yourself to become completely involved with this new activity. You may still think of your problem every now and then – ignore it and get even more involved in what you are doing.

When the bowling game, the song, the movie or the conversation ends, your problem will still be there. You may feel sad still and want to go back to the safe place. Don’t do that. The safe place exists only as a helping hand, not as a solution, to your problems. It is there to help you relax your mind, for a few minutes or hours. Now that you are refreshed, you will be better able to deal with your problem and find a solution.

This small escape from your negative feelings will increase your energy levels and you will feel more confident that the issue can be resolved.